Can We Change?

Why do we keep doing things the same? The same habits? The same mistakes? Choosing the same paths over and over again?

I've often wondered whether real behaviour change is actually possible, or if we're doomed to repeat the same patterns again, and again.

I thought for a long time that we were just “wired” a certain way and that change was impossible. Why fight upstream? Better instead to just go with the flow and work with what you know to be true about yourself.

But what I realized is that change is hard yes, but not impossible.

Behaviour is not about being “wired” a certain way. It’s about being inclined a certain way.

Example - picture sand in a beach, imagine you carve some pathways in the sand. When you pour water, they will fill and follow the channels you dig. This is habit. This is behaviour. We are water. And we will flow into the same areas you flowed through a hundred times before. Similar to a well trodden path in a wooded area or a meadow or field. You’ll intuitively follow where you have gone before.

The funny thing is, we probably don't even remember digging most of these channels. Somewhere along the way - often early in life - we reacted a certain way, made a certain choice, or formed a certain habit. Then we did it again. And again. Before we knew it, that became the path. Now we follow it without thinking because it's familiar. Not because it's the best path, or the only one, but because it's the one we've always taken.

So it’s not impossible to create new pathways. It just takes an intentional, concerted effort. And practice. Over time, the new pathways you establish will become more eroded and well trodded and eventually the old pathways, unused over time, will become filled in and grown over. Soon the new pathways will become deeper and mroe established than the old ones, and when you pour your water in it will be more inclined to follow along the new pathways. It will take a concerted, intentional effort to become this way but once it does, it’ll be as effortless, intuitive and automatic as the old.